So I had my surgery on Tuesday and everything went well. I have tried to stay focused on all of the positive things in my life but I think that all of the stress of two rounds of cancer and three surgeries and the loss of my brother in a little more than a year began to catch up with me. I could only see all of the sad things that had happened and couldn’t help but wonder if this was only a prelude to the future.
Thank heavens that Kirk had taken the time off from work this week to spend with me and basically do everything possible for me. He has taken care of my every need and I don’t know what I would have done without him. That is why it was most important that when I completely fell apart, he was also there for me.
He listened and listened and listened as I talked and sobbed and told him how I was feeling. He understood that it had nothing to do with him and that which was most important was my just being able to vent. I talked about not only the current frustrations of the last 6 days but also about how they were just the latest manifestation of the same patterns over a very long period time.
After I was done, we chatted for awhile and afterward, I felt such a great sense of relief and release that I knew that I could no longer hold on to the past and the behaviors that had led me to such sad, sad feelings. I suddenly realized that I felt better than I had felt in quite some times. I didn’t want to feel like I had in the recent past and I am determined that what is in the past will remain there.
Regardless of what else may come my way, the most wonderful holidays are right around the corner and I intend to enjoy them and am anticipating them as much as I did when I was a little kid. Thanksgiving has always been my favorite and this year I have even more than ever for which to be thankful. I will be spending Christmas with my family and sharing the time with those people who love me the most in this world. And then there is the New Year which represents a whole new beginning but this year, I do not intend to wait until January 1. Today is the beginning of my new year and my new life and the most exciting things yet to come and they are all just covered with a big mound of whipped cream. Kirk will understand that!